Being "suggestible" doesn't sound like a virtue, does it? It seems like a synonym for "gullible" and "naive", and implies that you're stupid. But in fact, the nearest synonym to suggestibility is "open-mindedness" - it's the ability to absorb new ideas into your sense of reality.
Hypnotists like myself are very interested in suggestibility, because not surprisingly, the more suggestible someone is, the easier they are to hypnotize. Stage hypnotists use techniques to bring out on stage the most highly suggestible people, because these are the easiest to temporarily distort their sense of reality and make them do bizarre and hilarious things.
I am a hypnotherapist and work with a much broader range of people, not just the most suggestible. Rather than temporaritly distort someone's reality, I aim to make more subtle but permanent changes to someone's sense of reality to help them overcome personal issues. Whatever you are using hypnosis for, the subject must have at least some suggestibility, or they can't be hypnotized.
But suggestibilty isn't just about being hypnotized, it's essential in your growth and development as a person!
What you call "reality" isn't an absolute thing, it's a personal thing. Your idea of reality, though it will share many things in common with others, is never quite the same as yours. That's why we all have different opinions and points of view. Furthermore, that reality needs to grow and develop so we can adapt to our changing environment.
This will involve the assimilation of new ideas and the "dumping" of ideas that no longer fit our experience. For example, most children are taught to believe in Santa Claus as a comfort when they are very young, but as we learn more about the world and how it works, this idea no longer fits with what we know and is left behind. But this is only possible if we are suggestible. If we weren't, we would in the face of all the evidence refuse to believe any alternate explanations other than presents are delivered by Santa Claus every Christmas Eve.
On the other hand, if you are too suggestible, you are indeed gullible and vulnerable to being exploited, abused, conned and misled. A medium degree of suggestibility is best, neither rejecting ideas out of hand or immediately accepting every idea you are exposed to. It's best to weigh up an idea against what you have experienced so far, and see if it fits better than your previous ideas. As we gain new experiences, our reality needs to inevitably evolve to fit it, in order to respond appropriately to it.
In Psychology, there are three basic responses to a "suggestion" which in psychological terms means a new idea about reality. These are:
1. REJECTION The idea is not compatible with our experience, or is seen as threat to things we consider important, so is not accepted. It is either ignored, opposed or aggressively contested.
2. RATIONALISTAION The idea is compatible with our experience, but existing ideas are also held on to, so our sense of reality changes to accomodate both the old and new ideas.
3. CONVERSION The idea is accepted as a better fit to our experience than our old ideas, and since they are not compatible, old ideas are discarded and a new sense of reality is born that fits the new idea.
None of these are "right" or "wrong" in themselves, they are simply possible outcomes from new ideas. In the course of a healthy balanced life you will make all three responses on a regular basis, on everything from the nature of the universe to which is the best accompaniment to potatoes.
It is not healthy to be too suggestible, as then your life has no consistency or structure to build on, but if you are not suggestible enough, you will not grow and develop as a person, and will find yourself unable to work with the world and people around you. Fortunately, suggestibility itself is not fixed. On average there is a gradual transition from the high suggestility of children to the "set in their ways" attitude of older people, but things that happen to us can reverse this trend by challenging us or forcing us to change.
A healthy attitude to adopt is that nothing is certain, but experience suggests it's a certain way. Whenever you have a new experience, honestly examine your beliefs to see if they need updating - have no "sacred cows" but don't be too easily convinced without enough supporting evidence. In this way, you will function best in the environment round you and be best equipped to face change and challenge.
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An archive of wisdom and experience I have gathered to enlighten your path
Sunday 30 December 2012
Tuesday 2 October 2012
Making A Change
My son is
currently is the position of watching a member of his social circle descend into
drug-fuelled self-destruction. Despite help that’s been offered and loving
parents, as well as plenty of warnings about the consequences, this person has just
continued to sink deeper and deeper, alienating his friends and breaking the
heart of his parents.
It’s an old
and frequently-occurring tragedy. Why does it happen so often? The truth is
that to many of us, wellbeing just doesn’t come naturally. If we relax our
focus and allow ourselves to become guided just by our feelings, urges and
impulses, the result is self destruction, or a life that is shorter and
unhappier than it might have been.
This fact
that many of us are just not naturally inclined to look after ourselves
properly in today’s world is not our fault. We cannot help what our natural
inclinations are. We didn’t want them or ask for them, they are an inherent
part of us. We’re not bad people just because we have unhealthy inclinations,
it wasn’t a choice we made. Long ago I learned to forgive myself and cast off
guilt about dark feelings and desires within myself – they came uninvited.
However,
though unhealthy inclinations are part of us, we still have a clear choice – to
manage and control them, or let them rule us. This is a choice we must make
every day, and several times every day. Managing yourself is a continual lifelong
effort that never becomes “easy”. You must devote mental and physical energy every
day. Like paying the rent, self-control is only yours for as long as you keep
up the payments of time and effort.
This article
is for two types of people: those who want to turn their life around and make a
completely fresh start, and those like me who have let themselves go and
relapsed, who have stopped paying the rent of time and effort and want to
re-start doing so.
So how do we
start? The absolute beginning of the beginning is to see a gap – a gap between
what we want to be and do, and who we are and what we’re doing right now. Sadly
many fall at this first hurdle – they simply can’t envisage who they could be
and what they could do, unable to see anything other than who they are right now.
As much as you may want to, you can’t help someone who either doesn’t want the
help or knows what help they want.
The seeds of
salvation can only sprout when we become aware of the difference we could make.
If people love you for example, their happiness will rest in your hands. But
even amongst all the people who are indifferent to you right now are many whose
lives you could touch and make better by doing what you do well.
But to get to
this point, we often have to reach a point where don’t like what we’ve become.
For some, this could be as simple as a photo of ourselves and our own
reflection, and not liking what we see.
Others have
to be utterly disgusted with themselves, their lives so awful and unbearable
that they can’t endure it any longer. For some, new love comes into their
lives, like a lover or a child, and they don’t want to fail that new love.
Unfortunately,
it’s impossible for anyone outside to predict what it will take to wake someone
up or deflect them. Sadly for some nothing stops them, and there is nothing
anyone can do for those who just don’t have the desire to change.
Let us then
focus on those who really do want to make a fresh start either from rock bottom
or because they have simply lost their discipline. The first thing to do
happens in your mind – you have to cast off guilt and take on responsibility.
Once you have apologised to yourself and everyone else you have hurt, whether
that apology is accepted or not, it’s time to let the guilt go. No amount of
effort of self-punishment can reverse what has happened. It is a waste of time
and energy to try. You must move on from where you are now and with what you
have now.
You must
instead take on responsibility. Whatever your circumstances are, you must stop
blaming them for what you do. This is the famous “Nuremberg Excuse”, claiming
that the circumstances left you no option but to do bad things. In fact
circumstances cannot make you do anything, they simply make the choices harder.
They are still your choices! Stop blaming people, things and circumstances for
what you do. Instead, without condemning yourself, do something different.
This leads us
neatly to the next step in making a change. Having decided the time is right,
apologised, let go of guilt and taken on responsibility, it’s now time to do
something different. If you keep on doing what you’ve always done, you’ll always
get what you always have. It’s time to spend your day differently. For some,
this will simply involve a new schedule, for others, it means going for help
and sticking to a plan drawn up by others. Remember that things don’t have to
be great to make a change, but you will have to make a change to make things
great.
This leads us
to the final step towards making a change – renewing it every day. If you have
unhealthy inclinations as I have, every new day you must recommit yourself. If
you’re an addict, you are an addict for life, and so every day for the rest of
your life you must decide again not to choose to follow your inclination.
A final word
to those who relapse. A relapse is like a toddler learning to walk who falls
over. The answer is simply to get up and walk again. Many of us will go through
many relapses. Without condemning yourself, you simply apologise and begin
again, as many times as you need. So long as you keep getting up again, and are
determined to stay up, you surely will.
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